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**Simonutd** · 02-12-2006, 21:49

Lets get my fav thread going again, i should tell a joke for the occasion, lol

Ronaldo · 02-12-2006, 21:50

oh no not this thread again ;)

Craig · 02-12-2006, 21:50

Simon, I have made the decision to let you post jokes. Enjoy!

Nafe · 02-12-2006, 21:52

Yeh bring on the crap jokes, there the best ones!

**Simonutd** · 02-12-2006, 21:53

never had a request for a crap joke before, heres an old one i always think is funny after a few pints

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.

You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Nafe · 02-12-2006, 21:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by simonutd

never had a request for a crap joke before, heres an old one i always think is funny after a few pints

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.

You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Haha, thats actually good, i'll remember that one :p

**Simonutd** · 02-12-2006, 22:21

not so funny, but were a few short of posts in here

A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar.

She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks:

"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact.

At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says:

"Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink.

A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking:

"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says:

"Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!".

02-12-2006, 22:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by simonutd

not so funny, but were a few short of posts in here

A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar.

She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks:

"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact.

At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says:

"Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink.

A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking:

"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says:

"Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!".

Rofl, I preffered that one

02-12-2006, 22:42

I love this thread.

**Simonutd** · 02-12-2006, 22:46

im glad you like it thatonegirl

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"... It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

MG_CFC · 02-12-2006, 22:47

If me and you were in a plain and the plain went up side down would we fall out ?

No we'd still be Friends

02-12-2006, 23:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by simonutd

im glad you like it thatonegirl.

Yep yep. My friend and I were whoring it last night while everyone else was asleep.

**Simonutd** · 02-12-2006, 23:08

i was here for a while with you, well till 3am, then i had to sleep, lol

02-12-2006, 23:11

I love what this guy does with his hands during 38 secs. and 44 secs.!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-5f3dy8rBk

02-12-2006, 23:12

Oh, yeah. I forgot. :rolleyes:

We were on for awhile. It was great.

02-12-2006, 21:49	#1
Simonutd The Saviour Of MFF Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: UK I Support: Manchester United I am 28 years old Posts: 8,778 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 10	The Longest Thread In MFF History Lets get my fav thread going again, i should tell a joke for the occasion, lol

02-12-2006, 21:50	#2
Ronaldo Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: England I Support: Manchester United Posts: 4,492 Nominated 2 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 1 Rep Power: 6	oh no not this thread again ;) __________________ Ryan Giggs 10, Liverpool 0

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02-12-2006, 21:50	#3
Craig Administrator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Middlesbrough I Support: Middlesbrough I am 18 years old Posts: 3,761 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 10	Simon, I have made the decision to let you post jokes. Enjoy!

02-12-2006, 21:52	#4
Nafe Football Fan Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: North London I Support: Arsenal Posts: 2,387 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 4	Yeh bring on the crap jokes, there the best ones!

02-12-2006, 21:53	#5
Simonutd The Saviour Of MFF Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: UK I Support: Manchester United I am 28 years old Posts: 8,778 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 10	never had a request for a crap joke before, heres an old one i always think is funny after a few pints A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

02-12-2006, 22:21	#7
Simonutd The Saviour Of MFF Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: UK I Support: Manchester United I am 28 years old Posts: 8,778 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 10	not so funny, but were a few short of posts in here A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar. She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks: "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says: "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!" The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink. A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking: "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says: "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!" After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!".

02-12-2006, 22:42	#9
ThatOneGirl Guest Posts: n/a	I love this thread.

02-12-2006, 22:47	#11
MG_CFC Football Fan Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 205 Nominated 0 Threads TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0 Rep Power: 2	If me and you were in a plain and the plain went up side down would we fall out ? No we'd still be Friends

02-12-2006, 23:11	#14
ThatOneGirl Guest Posts: n/a	I love what this guy does with his hands during 38 secs. and 44 secs.!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-5f3dy8rBk

02-12-2006, 23:12	#15
ThatOneGirl Guest Posts: n/a	Oh, yeah. I forgot. :rolleyes: We were on for awhile. It was great.

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