I hate that awkward moment when a cancer patient asks me what my star sign is.

Whats green and has 1000 eyes?

A Pakistani tree

How do you fit three gays on one barstool?
Turn it upside-down!

dude.....i know that one with blondes )

Tampons are for cu,nts

I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."

Unbelievable what some people are into

Now fella's.
Iv'e just found out who caused the flood's in Pakistan.
It was a suicide plumber.

---------- Post added at 00:34 ---------- Previous post was at 00:30 ----------

Just noticed, this thread has been running 3 years. Lets try hit a 1000, posts by Xmas, but for fook sake, lets keep em sick.post the silly ones elsewhere.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.

When david cameron came to power he said he would flush out the taliban in pakistan. He Doesn't **** about does he...

Did you hear that they're making a charity record for the flood victims in Pakistan? It's called "Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed".

America's policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall.

I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

CHILD PHOTOGRAPHY
If you misread that you're a paedophile.

Jack and Jill, went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water...

Yet you don't see them in an advert asking for fuc,king £5 a month.

did you notice that strap on is no parts ....if you read backwards

I said to my wife in bed "Give me a chilean miner!"

She said "Is that the one where I go down to the bottom of your shaft and stay there 'til Christmas?"

I replied, "No, that's the one where you fu'ck off down a hole and don't bother me for 4 months."