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Showing content with the highest reputation since 13/09/19 in Posts

  1. 3 points
    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy"
  2. 3 points
    The Cream is rising...... Dugs doing a Scouse challenge atm..... Norm was never going to last.... Shaping up like a battle between me and Hairy AGAIN..... To the rest......Thanks for taking part!!
  3. 3 points
    A Rangers fan a Celtic fan and a Killie fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Killie fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Killie fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done. The Celtic fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Rangers fan was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of Glasgow, your side of the city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Gers fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked. "Tie that Celtic supporting bastard to my back..."
  4. 2 points
    Harold

    Rangers in Europa league 2019/2020

    Hopefully a win....any win will do. Got it on record so all going well I'll catch it tomorrow.
  5. 2 points
    Makdee

    Rangers in Europa league 2019/2020

    Rangers v Feyenoord team RANGERS: McGregor; Tavernier, Goldson, Helander, Barisic; Davis, Jack, Kamara; Ojo, Morelos, Arfield. SUBS: Foderingham, Edmundson, Halliday, Aribo, King, Barker, Defoe.
  6. 2 points
    Mr Magnificent

    General Election

    There is something very familiar about this gruesome twosome... Same PR training?
  7. 2 points
    Normski

    Random Videos

  8. 2 points
  9. 2 points
    Makdee

    Rangers v Livingston

    Team RANGERS: McGregor; Tavernier, Goldson, Katic, Halliday; Davis, Aribo, Arfield; Ojo, Kent, Morelos. SUBS: Foderingham, Helander, Barker, Barisic, King, Kamara, Defoe.
  10. 2 points
    Harold

    Brexit not going very good?

    Wow!!!!! What a find Norm. Haven't we always said that this fucking backstop was just made up by the EU to hamper/prevent leaving ? Well done Kate Hoey. I wonder if the media and the Government will actually use this to our benefit!
  11. 2 points
    Harold

    Rangers v Livingston

    You still have a liver ?......
  12. 1 point
    sployal

    Rangers in Europa league 2019/2020

    3 points would make for a great evening, mon the Gers
  13. 1 point
    FFS.........you have some weird thoughts mate.
  14. 1 point
    Hairy Scot

    Random Videos

    KIDS!!! Needs sound. Papa.mp4
  15. 1 point
    Hairy Scot

    Brexit not going very good?

    Isn't hypocrite an synonym for politician?
  16. 1 point
  17. 1 point
    Harold

    Climate Change

    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment,. The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." The older lady said that she was right our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on toexplain: Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then. We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day. Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then. We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.
  18. 1 point
    Normski

    Bloody Sunday!

  19. 1 point
    Harold

    What book are you reading ?

    Well, got it finished eventually last week. I enjoyed the story but was so disappointed in the ending. What gets me is that he was promoted to uniformed Inspector and transferred to Professional Standards but there is nothing in the books (since promotion) about his work there...he seems to be put on Criminal Investigations with other cops. Anyway....talking about Professional Standards and other nefarious actions involving the Police.....If you can source it, have a read at a fact based novel by a crime reporter called Russell Findlay...the book is called 'Fitted Up'. It's about an ex-Army man who suffered crimes against him but Police basically did nothing about it then things went worse for the guy....It really is an eye opener about corruption within the Police....It is quite incredulous the things that went on.
  20. 1 point
    Normski

    The NEWS Today

    How about the Labour Council who ordered the cheaper flammable cladding and who else rejected fitting sprinkler systems in high rises,be under fully investigation
  21. 1 point
  22. 1 point
    jezza

    Facial Recognition Cameras

    I fucking hate CCTV. We are the most watched nation in the world and it creates paranoia. Being watched all the time is not normal. When I seen a lad bring the first camera phone into a bar(think it was a nokia) I knew it was gonna go wrong. Cant even go for a pint, or get a chinese without being on fucking camera. Its not the wild west ffs Cameras have a use, but its too much now
  23. 1 point
    Bastion

    Tonight's dinner.

    I'm in no state for any of that lol...
  24. 1 point
    jezza

    Tonight's dinner.

  25. 1 point
    jezza

    Tonight's dinner.

    You should go up market and get in some brioche with real butter. Outstanding Dont even want to think about doing it at the same time. It would probably turn into a cry wank
  26. 1 point
    Bastion

    Tonight's dinner.

    Usually have a Bad Boy on a Friday night after returning home pished...... Like to dip a wee sandwich in it as I go.......
  27. 1 point
    Mr Magnificent

    The Ashes

    Well said Hairy. Harold I respect you man but you have just been too intense in this thread mate.
  28. 1 point
    Hairy Scot

    The Ashes

  29. 1 point
    sployal

    The Ashes

    This is too much to handle i'm off to bed.
  30. 1 point
    Normski

    The Gender Thread

  31. 1 point
    sployal

    The Ashes

    Well Cor Blimey, 2 Root catches end the Ashes, what could have been for England. Take it this is the end of this thread?
  32. 1 point
    Harold

    The Ashes

    Same response as after the last post quoted here. It was Archer who started the verbals if you've been watching! What a pitiful, bitter, resentful man you are......Sad as fuck...... Where's the Ashes going....to Aussie Land Where's the Ashes going....to Aussie Land Far Far away.....(apologies to Middle of the Road) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wade gets his century....well deserved.....
  33. 1 point
    Harold

    The Ashes

    When I was young we lived almost next door to an amateur cricket club. Used to watch a lot of the games on a Saturday/Sunday afternoon. The players wives all contributed to a buffet for lunch and after the players were finished me and my pals were allowed into the wee clubhouse and devoured the sannies and whatever was left....loved they days.
  34. 1 point
    Harold

    The Ashes

    and he's away.....Broad again. He just can't play Broad. 29 for 2. Warner has really been a waste of a place this series.
  35. 1 point
    Normski

    The Gender Thread

    I think be won best male singer at the Brits😂
  36. 1 point
    Hairy Scot

    The Gender Thread

    Samuel or Samantha?
  37. 1 point
    Hairy Scot

    The Terror

    Another of my pet hates is the American habit of dropping or misusing prepositions and conjunctions. "President Trump said Monday North Korea could be...." "One hundred twenty" "Different than" "Different to" "Clinton debated Trump" "Students protested Trump's policies" But I am a dedicated pedant when it comes to language.
  38. 1 point
    The Realist

    Rangers v Livingston

    There is a bar in Salou called the rovers return, the guy who owns it is Gers, used to run the ibrox bar ,tho due to location it never was a success. Check it out before you return home.
  39. 1 point
    Makdee

    Rangers v Livingston

    Will do home on Tuesday after two weeks. Got my middle boys wedding in Five weeks and his stag in Hamburg the week after I get back from here. Think my liver is getting worried 😂
  40. 1 point
    Harold

    Rangers v Livingston

    You're lucky you are able to type then..........Enjoy your holiday mate!
  41. 1 point
    Normski

    Brexit not going very good?

    And then there is this
  42. 1 point
    Harold

    The Terror

    Nope.....but can I get something off my chest here & I don't mean to distract from the subject....but...............Why does every one of these shows have 'seasons' ? It's bloody series'. Another friggin' Americanism!!!!!!
  43. 1 point
    Harold

    The Racism Thread

    He captained the side 3 times...
  44. 1 point
    Mr Magnificent

    The Ashes

    Archer finished with 6 wickets. He was top drawer today.
  45. 1 point
    For the "negligents" get your predictions in mates
  46. 1 point
    Normski

    Brexit not going very good?

    It's called fucking democracy love,stick that in your pipe and smoke it
  47. 1 point
    Harold

    Random Videos

  48. 1 point
    Mr Magnificent

    What the **** is everyone up to

    So, the Mrs says she doesn't like me watching boxing while the Grandson is here. It teaches him violence apparently. Oh well, I best go down pub and watch it.
  49. 1 point
  50. 0 points
    sployal

    The Ashes

    bollocks! What bollocks?
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