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Hairy Scot

The Joke thread. If you are easily offended do not enter.

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French Fighter Pilot
 
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

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5 hours ago, Hairy Scot said:
French Fighter Pilot
 
Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's Lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Pierre stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

Hahaha good one.

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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." 
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. 
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

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