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The Realist

The Longest thread in MFF history

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1 hour ago, boro_boy said:

Don't spend it all at once!

I actually had the £25 touch three times last year.

I have £2503 bonds at a £1 each. If I invested that in a high interest account no way would the interest be more than £75 in a year.

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Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. 
Welcome to flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So, sit back, 
relax, and.........OH... MY GOD!"

Silence followed.

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, Im sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled..."For the luva Jaysus...you should see the back of mine!"

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This is funny as fuck and worth 30 seconds of your time. The location is Grahamston Station Falkirk a couple of years ago and some Hibs and Falkirk fans indulged in a wee skirmish on the east bound platform. Someone applied a bit of music and edited the video....

 

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2 hours ago, Harold said:

This is funny as fuck and worth 30 seconds of your time. The location is Grahamston Station Falkirk a couple of years ago and some Hibs and Falkirk fans indulged in a wee skirmish on the east bound platform. Someone applied a bit of music and edited the video....

 

 A wunch o' bankers

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8 minutes ago, Mr Magnificent said:

I was at the cashpoint earlier when I noticed the guy in front of me looking at the screen while standing on one leg...

I asked him if he was ok? 

To which he replied "yes mate, I'm just checking my balance."

:)

I know him....always going about wi a bloody parrot on his shoulder.....

Related image

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A man goes into Tesco's and tries to buy half a cauliflower. The young assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. 
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. 

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 

"Some tosser out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." 

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." 

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. 

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" 

"Glasgow , sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave glasgow?" the manager asked. 

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there." 

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Glasgow." 

"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

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Thought we had lost one of our cats this morning. I let the two out at 6am but when I got up @ 6.45pm & opened the door to let them in to feed them only one appeared. The other one had not come back by 8.30am which is unusual so I had a walk along the canal & then along the nearby main road but no sign (grateful for that tbh). Phoned the local vet but no cats had been handed in injured (grateful for that). Was really worried but then at 10.30am the wife looks out the back window and there's the wee bugger sitting on top of our woodstore. Saunters into the house as if nowt was up. Wee bugger. Relieved mind you.

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On 11/02/2019 at 16:21, Harold said:

Thought we had lost one of our cats this morning. I let the two out at 6am but when I got up @ 6.45pm & opened the door to let them in to feed them only one appeared. The other one had not come back by 8.30am which is unusual so I had a walk along the canal & then along the nearby main road but no sign (grateful for that tbh). Phoned the local vet but no cats had been handed in injured (grateful for that). Was really worried but then at 10.30am the wife looks out the back window and there's the wee bugger sitting on top of our woodstore. Saunters into the house as if nowt was up. Wee bugger. Relieved mind you.

Hahahaha, ALL cats are cunts FACT!

Mine does my tits in, meowing at 5am in the morning for food. Then from about 1pm for more food (feed her twice a day with wet food, she always has dry biscuits available). I could feed her at 2pm go downstairs, go back up stairs 5 mins later and shed scream at me for more food. I have to tell my missus when she goes upstairs that I've fed her! Honestly, she'd be a right fat knacker if we fed her everytime she screamed for it!!!

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58 minutes ago, The Realist said:

Maybe we should move the longest thread here? Seems pointless having 2 same type threads, and the longest thread is a very traditional part of MFF historically.

Probably correct. I actually forgot about that one when I started this.

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