Jump to content
superally

The Longest thread in MFF history

Recommended Posts

Wife and I were up the town this morning and I met a guy & his wife who I used to work with (both) when I was in the Police and I haven't seen them for long and weary. To say my flabber was gasted when they told me the wife looks as if she has Motor Neurons, well that would be some understatement. She is seeing a specialist and having tests but he is almost sure that is what is wrong with her....59 years old. To think that a lovely person like this gets that bastard of a disease whilst scum walk about the streets makes my blood boil. God works in mysterious ways indeed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Harold said:

Wife and I were up the town this morning and I met a guy & his wife who I used to work with (both) when I was in the Police and I haven't seen them for long and weary. To say my flabber was gasted when they told me the wife looks as if she has Motor Neurons, well that would be some understatement. She is seeing a specialist and having tests but he is almost sure that is what is wrong with her....59 years old. To think that a lovely person like this gets that bastard of a disease whilst scum walk about the streets makes my blood boil. God works in mysterious ways indeed.

That is a shame. My Mother got that illness at 60. Died aged 62.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Passenger taps his taxi driver on the shoulder near his turn off to his house

The driver shits himself, swerves,nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window.

Fuck me,you're a bit jumpy aren't you? I only tapped your shoulder.

"Sorry," says the cabbie, it's my first day.I've been driving a fucking hearse for the last 20 years.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Was out checking the post box when I noticed the swing door of  neighbour's garage across the road was lying half open...Strange I thought, so being a considerate neighbour I went over to have a check. As I approached the house I heard a machine like noise coming from the back garden then saw the wife out cutting her back grass. Now this burd in her 40s has a gorgeous pair of breasts and has a habit of wearing low cut vest tops....I opened the gate and it was a nice wee black number she had on showing ample cleavage. I explained why I came over and she thanked me and I hung about for a few minutes making small talk.......perverted smiley face emoticon

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ALTERNATIVE NEWS ++++++++ ALTERNATIVE NEWS.

Fed up with non stop Coronavirus news alerts with everyone and their dug being dragged in to the SKY & BBC news studios to give their 'opinion' on what should or shouldny be happening (has that cunt Corbyn no caught it yet?) ? Then here are few newsworthy stories on a local level that just show that there ARE other happenings gaun on....

Wee Jennie McAusland who lives just up the road and around the corner was charged by Police for throwing a brick through a neighbour's window. She pled guilty at court stating 'I had a smashing time'.

Benny 'Ben boy' McBenny was asked to leave a local cafe after complaining about the cup of tea he he was served....'Fucking pish water' said the bold Benny. The cafe has since been mobbed by lovers of 'pish water' tea!

Teenager Sonny 'wee man' Smith was reported lost by his maw as he hadn't been seen playing his X box for 15 minutes. Police attended, searched the house and found him in the attic watching videos of Tipping Point. A police spokesman said Sonny was not a normal youth because he should have been out and about causing terror to his neighbours and setting fire to cars!

 

And that's it for now....More coming up after the break!

PS....there's still no fucking toilet rolls available due to panic buying courtesy of inconsiderate cunts!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Harold said:

ALTERNATIVE NEWS ++++++++ ALTERNATIVE NEWS.

Fed up with non stop Coronavirus news alerts with everyone and their dug being dragged in to the SKY & BBC news studios to give their 'opinion' on what should or shouldny be happening (has that cunt Corbyn no caught it yet?) ? Then here are few newsworthy stories on a local level that just show that there ARE other happenings gaun on....

Wee Jennie McAusland who lives just up the road and around the corner was charged by Police for throwing a brick through a neighbour's window. She pled guilty at court stating 'I had a smashing time'.

Benny 'Ben boy' McBenny was asked to leave a local cafe after complaining about the cup of tea he he was served....'Fucking pish water' said the bold Benny. The cafe has since been mobbed by lovers of 'pish water' tea!

Teenager Sonny 'wee man' Smith was reported lost by his maw as he hadn't been seen playing his X box for 15 minutes. Police attended, searched the house and found him in the attic watching videos of Tipping Point. A police spokesman said Sonny was not a normal youth because he should have been out and about causing terror to his neighbours and setting fire to cars!

 

And that's it for now....More coming up after the break!

PS....there's still no fucking toilet rolls available due to panic buying courtesy of inconsiderate cunts!

I have been out and got another 16 rolls today so we now have 92 rolls.

Just as well really with me being full of shit! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ALTERNATIVE NEWS ++++++++ ALTERNATIVE NEWS.

Gertie MacDuff from Rowantree Avenue has lost her cat....answers to the name of Puss. Rumours suggest that the owner of the local Chinese takeaway was seen prowling outside her house are rife but unconfirmed.

A local man...Jimmy 'Birdman of Alcatraz' Seagull has shown a bit of initiative. He has trained two Magpies, so instead of stealing shiny trinkets they zoom in for unsuspecting shoppers leaving supermarkets and blag their toilet & kitchen rolls the shoppers may have been lucky enough to buy. The Magpies then fly off to a secret location to meet up with Jimmy & hand over their spoils for a slice of bread.

A mass protest gathering of villagers consisting of five people and 3 dogs has taken place outside the local corner shop demanding rationing be put in place on Brussell sprouts....'NO BULK BUYING OF SPROUTS' stated one banner.....'KEEP YER HANDS OFF THE SPROUTS YA BULK BUYING CUNTS' stated another, strongly worded, banner! The villagers love sprouts and cannot survive on peas, carrots alone. One lone man was seen waving a banner stating....SWAP.....3 BEDROOM BUNGALOW FOR A 16 PACK OF ANDREX!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Evening all....
I was wondering if anyone here is good with graphics and has a spare 5/10 minutes to design me a logo?

 

Much love to you all.

Looks like I'll have alot more time on my hands if my work closes 😂

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, MrMacleod said:

Evening all....
I was wondering if anyone here is good with graphics and has a spare 5/10 minutes to design me a logo?

 

Much love to you all.

Looks like I'll have alot more time on my hands if my work closes 😂

 

I used to be alright but not any longer ha. 

Also I use a Chromebook now and they are not the best for imaging!

Anyway nice to see you on the site 👍

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, boro_boy said:

I used to be alright but not any longer ha. 

Also I use a Chromebook now and they are not the best for imaging!

Anyway nice to see you on the site 👍

It doesnt have to be anything fancy mate.

Just a couple things on it and an image.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, MrMacleod said:

It doesnt have to be anything fancy mate.

Just a couple things on it and an image.

 

I don't actually have any software installed to do anything. 

Try searching free logo maker online and see what you can do yourself. 

https://logomakr.com/

https://www.freelogoservices.com/step1

There's quiet a few of them!

What do you need a logo for anyway?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, boro_boy said:

I don't actually have any software installed to do anything. 

Try searching free logo maker online and see what you can do yourself. 

https://logomakr.com/

https://www.freelogoservices.com/step1

There's quiet a few of them!

What do you need a logo for anyway?

I don't access too a laptop at the moment so only on my phone.

It's for my friend who live streams 8ball pool with 60k followers.

 

Just looking for a logo to go on his merchandise

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I could do something from the 3rd April on wards when I finish my deployment.

But I can't do anything at the moment. PM me what he wants and I might have a look at one of the free websites or look for an app on the chrome store and make one tomorrow as I'm still in the Hotel tomorrow with not much to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, boro_boy said:

I could do something from the 3rd April on wards when I finish my deployment.

But I can't do anything at the moment. PM me what he wants and I might have a look at one of the free websites or look for an app on the chrome store and make one tomorrow as I'm still in the Hotel tomorrow with not much to do.

Somrthing like this... But hopefully a better attempt than mine..

 

Somrthing with that text, logo and Scottish themed lol

1584914837059.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, MrMacleod said:

Somrthing like this... But hopefully a better attempt than mine..

 

Somrthing with that text, logo and Scottish themed lol

1584914837059.png

I'll see what I can do tomorrow mate. Don't hold your breath though ha. 👍🏻

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
49 minutes ago, Harold said:

The wife and me are playing scrabble...she skelped me yesterday but I'm leading atm today....laughter emoticon

Fuck me....she got a 7 letter word out middle of the game and ended up beating me.

43 minutes ago, Mr Magnificent said:

I am gonna have an early start on the piss today.

I have loads of lager in fridge. 

20 minutes to go for moi.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Forum Statistics

    4,676
    Total Topics
    62,621
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    405
    Total Members
    3,654
    Most Online
    Aras1711
    Newest Member
    Aras1711
    Joined
  • New users  3 New users online in the last 24 hours

×
×
  • Create New...