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The New Joke Thread,if You Are Easily offended,Tough Shit


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a dyslexic women goes to the doctors and says doc i keep forgetting to take my contradictive pill. he says you keep forgetting what?? she says i keep forgetting my contradictive pill. he says sorry ma

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society .

"In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They're just three Irish coal miners.

The guy in the middle went home for lunch"

 

FOR INFO....I HAVE PINNED THIS THREAD

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A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

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A FLAT CHESTED YOUNG LADY WENT TO DR SMITHS ABOUT ENLARGING HER BREASTS..DR SMIITH ADVISED HER EVERY DAY AFTER YOUR SHOWER RUB YOUR CHEST AND SAY  ''SCOOBY  SCOOBY DOOBYS I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES.SHE DID THIS FAITHFULLY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AND TO HER AMAZEMENT SHE GREW GREAT D-CUP BOOBS...ONE MORNING SHE WAS RUNNING LATE GOT ON THE BUS AND IN A PANIC SHE HAD FORGOTTEN HER MORNING RITUAL....FRIGHTENED SHE MIGHT LOSE HER LOVELY BOOBS IF SHE DIDNT SAY THE LITTLE RHYMNSHE STOOD UP IN THE AISLE OF THE BUS CLOSED HER EYES AND SAID ''SCOOBY DOOBIE DOOBIES  I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES"".....A GUY SITTIN NEAR HERLOOKED UP AND ASKED HER ARE YOU A PATIENT OF DR SMITH...YES I AM HOW DID YOU KNOW????...HE WINKED AND REPLIED"""HICKORY,,DICKORY,,DOCK...

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Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

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A man wanted to get married.  He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.  He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.  She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup;  buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.  She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.  She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.  As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

 

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