Normski 3,302 Posted October 29, 2020 Author Share Posted October 29, 2020 Took my goldfish to the vets this morning. "I think it's got epilepsy!" The vet took a look and said, "It seems calm enough to me." I said, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!" sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 I was fucking my secretary up the arse when my wife walked in. She said, "You can’t do this to me!" I said, "I know. That’s why I’m doing it to her!" sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be... No need to remind her every half hour! Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over, "How's the second-hand pussy?" Quick as a flash, her lover replies, "Great! After the first three inches, it's like brand new!" Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 I broke up with my ex-girlfriend after she told me she used to be a Christian. It's not shallow it was shock I'd only ever known her as a Christine.. Link to post Share on other sites
UNIQUE 1,711 Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 VID-20201102-WA0023.mp4 sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 UNIQUE 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 5, 2020 Author Share Posted November 5, 2020 I saw a young girl busking today with a great voice. "Any requests?" she asked the watching crowd. "Your thong," I replied with a wink. Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me. It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp! Harold 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 What is the ultimate in desperation..... Two vampires fighting over the same used tampon. Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 A drunk girl staggered up to me in the street and said, "Can I pinch a cigarette from you please?" "Show me your tits & then ask me the question again", I replied. So she lifted up her top & bra and said, "Can I pinch a cigarette from you please?" "Sorry love. I don't smoke!" Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 William Shatner regrets lending his name to a well know brand of Lingerie, he fears Shatner Knickers won't be as successful as promised to him. Harold and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 7, 2020 Author Share Posted November 7, 2020 Looking at the missus in bed last night, I said, "You remind me of the lottery." She said, "Aww, because I look like a million dollars?" I said, "No, I wish you'd fucking roll over!" sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 7, 2020 Author Share Posted November 7, 2020 I’ve been shagging a siamese twin but she finished with me when she found out I was shagging her sister behind her back! sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 My wife came home crying her eyes out. She asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation 4 sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 Today I saw a group of those 'Covidiots' in town. There they were, five of them, not shopping or exercising, just standing there laughing and joking together, clearly flouting the 1.5 metre rule. So I went up to them and had a word. The bastards arrested me! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Administrator Harold 8,231 Posted November 9, 2020 Administrator Share Posted November 9, 2020 7 minutes ago, Normski said: Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him! Link to post Share on other sites
UNIQUE 1,711 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 paddy and murphy was talking and paddy said here murph im thinking about getting a labrador pup. dont do that said murphy they make you go blind. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 1 minute ago, UNIQUE said: paddy and murphy was talking and paddy said here murph im thinking about getting a labrador pup. dont do that said murphy they make you go blind. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 9 hours ago, Normski said: Shall I post this on mums.net with your phone number? Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, Cazza said: Shall I post this on mums.net with your phone number? 02890 347350 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, Normski said: 02890 347350 What happened to you? Link to post Share on other sites
UNIQUE 1,711 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, Normski said: 02890 347350 just added you to my whatsapp group 😄 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now