Guest Posted November 15, 2020 Share Posted November 15, 2020 On 14/11/2020 at 12:05, Normski said: Hope he doesn't send dick pics Only by request. Link to post Share on other sites
UNIQUE 1,710 Posted November 15, 2020 Share Posted November 15, 2020 VID-20201115-WA0049.mp4 Harold 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 16, 2020 Author Share Posted November 16, 2020 sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Share Posted November 19, 2020 My girlfriend has been checking to see if she has everything ready for her first solo parachute jump tomorrow. I said, "Have you got a spare pair of knickers with you?" "What, in case I shit myself?" she replied. "No," I said. "In case your main chute doesn't fucking open!" Mr Magnificent and Winston Ingram 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 9, 2020 Author Share Posted December 9, 2020 I went to the garden centre earlier and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?" I replied, "No, you sick fucker. I'll be putting it up in my living room!" Harold and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 10, 2020 Author Share Posted December 10, 2020 I got a phone call from my son's music school today. "Hi, this is Billy’s music teacher calling." "Oh, hi," I replied. "I just wanted to let you know, looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!" "Really? Ama-" "Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet." sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Share Posted December 13, 2020 Whilst getting the Christmas decorations out of the loft, I found an old copy of the 1977 Radio Times, or as its called now, The Sex Offenders Register! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 16, 2020 Author Share Posted December 16, 2020 Paddy and Mick open a bar but it’s not going too well. Paddy says to Mick, maybe we should turn the place into a brothel. Mick says ‘ if we can’t make money selling beer how the fuck are we going to make money selling soup?’ sployal and Harold 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post Normski 3,302 Posted December 16, 2020 Author Popular Post Share Posted December 16, 2020 Paddy comes home with a new pair of shoes. But how will you know which foot to put them on asks the wife. That's easy says Paddy, the shop assistant marked them L & R. Ah, says the wife, so that's why they put C & A on my pants.... Harold, boro_boy and sployal 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 16, 2020 Author Share Posted December 16, 2020 Harold and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I went for my routine check-up on Friday and all was going well until he put his middle finger up my arse. Do you think I should change dentists? boro_boy and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Popular Post Share Posted December 17, 2020 My girlfriend just sent me a message saying, "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative". What does ternative mean? boro_boy, sployal and Harold 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 My wife asked if I'd seen the dog bowl... I replied, "I didn't even know he played fucking cricket!" sployal and boro_boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Site Owner boro_boy 2,660 Posted December 17, 2020 Site Owner Share Posted December 17, 2020 I went to the doctor the other day and he told me I have got to stop masturbating I asked her why and she said that she was trying to examine me Normski and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 Bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker!'. He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !' sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I'm so ashamed. I got seen eating a bogey in work today and now everyone thinks I'm disgusting. I couldn't help it.... There it was on the wall by the urinal just begging to be eaten. sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"? He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife" sployal and boro_boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 My wife has just had a breast reduction... And to be fair she definitely looks better with just the two! boro_boy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I used to sit next to Noddy Holder at school. The teacher was always catching him eating snacks. One day she snapped and shouted, "What are you eating now?" Noddy replied, "IT'S CRISPS MISSSSSS!" boro_boy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. But what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit... Still I suppose it's my own fault for marrying her! boro_boy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 I was so cold this morning that my jaw started to freeze.. So I gritted my teeth. boro_boy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 My wife sent me a card saying "Get Better Soon". I'm not ill, I'm just shit at sex. boro_boy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Administrator Harold 8,231 Posted December 17, 2020 Administrator Share Posted December 17, 2020 44 minutes ago, Normski said: I'm so ashamed. I got seen eating a bogey in work today and now everyone thinks I'm disgusting. I couldn't help it.... There it was on the wall by the urinal just begging to be eaten. ffs...... sployal and boro_boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Magnificent 3,597 Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Normski said: I'm so ashamed. I got seen eating a bogey in work today and now everyone thinks I'm disgusting. I couldn't help it.... There it was on the wall by the urinal just begging to be eaten. I don't get this joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Administrator Harold 8,231 Posted December 17, 2020 Administrator Share Posted December 17, 2020 18 minutes ago, Mr Magnificent said: I don't get this joke. don't try to then....It's vomit inducing....lol Link to post Share on other sites
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