Normski 3,302 Posted December 22, 2020 Author Share Posted December 22, 2020 I asked a homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard. sployal and boro_boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 22, 2020 Author Share Posted December 22, 2020 Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me. boro_boy and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 23, 2020 Author Share Posted December 23, 2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 24, 2020 Author Share Posted December 24, 2020 Harold and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 25, 2020 Author Share Posted December 25, 2020 My missus came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now!" Guess who had to put the batteries in! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 One of the symptoms of conjunctivitis is when you wake up in the morning your eyes are so sticky you can hardly open them... My wife has it a lot, sometimes she has conjunctivitis on her tits! Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 27, 2020 Author Share Posted December 27, 2020 I got a call off the police today telling me my wife had been involved in a car accident. "Is she okay?" I asked, worriedly. "Well, she does have a couple of big bumps and a very large gash," he replied. I said, "I know that, but is she fucking injured?" sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 The wife just asked me whether I love football or her the most... I said, "Open your legs and I will show you." So I nutmegged her! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 My wife has been missing for over a week, and this morning the police said I should prepare myself for the worst... So, I'm heading to the charity shop to get her clothes back! Mr Magnificent and sployal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 Drinking at home instead of the pub is becoming a right pain in the arse... I nearly asked the wife for her fucking phone number! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 My wife has an identical twin sister that I've met once and only once... I came home early one day when she was visiting and fucking some guy on my settee, but I've never seen her again since then! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 We were so poor we couldn't afford heating. So when it got cold we would all huddle around a candle. When it got really cold dad would light it! Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 Breaking Sky News - A wealthy Nigerian Prince has died and left his entire £12 million fortune to his cat. He was quoted as saying, "I've tried to give it away on numerous occasions over the years but no one ever responded to my e-mails" sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 To the cunt who stole my antidepressants I hope you're happy now sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 Me and my flat chested wife went to see a marriage counsellor today. The counsellor asked us; "What seems to be the problem?" "Well," I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic." sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popular Post UNIQUE 1,709 Posted December 31, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 31, 2020 Dying breed VID-20201231-WA0028.mp4 Harold, Hairy Scot and sployal 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hairy Scot 956 Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 Belter!! Link to post Share on other sites
sployal 2,587 Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 37 minutes ago, UNIQUE said: Dying breed VID-20201231-WA0028.mp4 Love it pure comedy Link to post Share on other sites
Administrator Harold 8,231 Posted December 31, 2020 Administrator Share Posted December 31, 2020 45 minutes ago, UNIQUE said: Dying breed VID-20201231-WA0028.mp4 brilliant man....mixed crowd laughing their fucking nuts off.....never again UNIQUE 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 56 minutes ago, UNIQUE said: Dying breed VID-20201231-WA0028.mp4 Saw that a few months ago......brilliant Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 There's a nudist convention today... I might go if I've got nothing on! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 Studies have shown that men think about sex every 5 minge! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normski 3,302 Posted January 2 Author Share Posted January 2 The difference between men and women: Woman sees skid mark in toilet, grabs gloves, toilet brush, disinfectant and scrubs furiously until the toilet is spotless! Man sees skid mark in toilet, pulls out dick and tries to piss it aff until it's clean! sployal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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