Jump to content

The New Joke Thread,if You Are Easily offended,Tough Shit

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 495
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

a dyslexic women goes to the doctors and says doc i keep forgetting to take my contradictive pill. he says you keep forgetting what?? she says i keep forgetting my contradictive pill. he says sorry ma

Posted Images

  • 2 weeks later...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby and the driver says “Jesus, that is the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen”. When she sits down she tells the lady next to her and the lady says “you shouldn’t put up with that, go and give him a piece of your mind, go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you”

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Administrator
2 hours ago, Normski said:

Scientists say that one day, it may be possible to live on Mars. What a load of shite...

I tried it for a month, gained nearly 3 stone in weight and developed type 2 diabetes!

Oh Norm mate.....let's just say, you have done a lot better.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A 75 year old lady says to her husband, "You know what, I think I'll go to the doctor and get a checkup."
Her husband says, "Sure, thats a good idea dear."
So she makes an appointment to see Dr. Levine, a gynecologist, and explains that she has not had a checkup in 25 years.
Dr Levine tells her to get undressed and put on a gown so he can check everything out.
The Doctor puts his hand under her gown, lifts her right breast and tells her to say, "99".
She says "99".
"I see nothing wrong there," says the Doctor. He then puts his hand under her gown, lifts her left breast and repeats, "Say 99".
She says "99".
Dr. Levine says everything seems ok with this one also.
"We might as well check your other vitals, lay down on the table and put your feet in the stirrups."
He puts on the rubber glove and some KY on the glove and is checking her private parts for any signs of lumps, etc. Once more he tells her, "Say 99"
She says, "one, two, three....... ...". 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them .............They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually,then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.'
'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied,
'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Forum Statistics

    Total Topics
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    Total Members
    Most Online
    Newest Member
  • New users  0 New users online in the last 24 hours

    No new users

  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Service