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The New Joke Thread,if You Are Easily offended,Tough Shit


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a dyslexic women goes to the doctors and says doc i keep forgetting to take my contradictive pill. he says you keep forgetting what?? she says i keep forgetting my contradictive pill. he says sorry ma

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  • 2 weeks later...

Back in the day I had an Asian girlfriend.
We were having a night in and were discussing how we would amuse ourselves.
She suggested playing doctor/nurse or school girl/teacher.
I said, "How about some 69?"
She said, "No fucking way I'm cooking at this time of night!"

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  • 2 weeks later...
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1 hour ago, temple said:

No it's piniterest! the pic didn't show up, i must be doing it wrong

sorry mate....I thought it may be so I deleted it. I've found that I can't c&p from pintrest. If you can post the image feel free to do so.

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The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off'

'Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!'

'Jason has had his skate board taken off him

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.

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4 minutes ago, Harold said:

The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off'

'Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!'

'Jason has had his skate board taken off him

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.

Ah! The old ones are the best!  ?

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Brenda didn't have enough to pay the Provident man so she offered him payment in kind.
He was just about to climb aboard when he realised her son was standing in a corner of the room.
"Hey kid!", he said, "Why don't you go out to the shed and find me a hammer?"
Kid says, "Why do you need a hammer? The others just bang it in using their arses!"

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